Here I am. My first blog, although this sounds so strange as I have been writing in my own fashion from my very first breath. Hello World! If you will, I invite you to come with me on this adventure, this journey I am taking through my life. It may not always be wonderful but it will always be interesting and I am happy to share it.
Today I wrote down, in bullet point form (a nod to my ever so geekchic way) the wishes I have for my ideal man. I have come to that bump in the path that has me googling dating sites so I thought to save me some insanity I had better put what I want down. It’s a scary thing; relationships. I have to admit, I’m not very good at the whole love life scene. Not to say that I don’t want one, I desperately do! But that in its self is my problem, desperately.
I’m not a sleasy, desperate and easy girl, I just want someone to love me back. Someone who gets me, someone who I can share my life with. I will stop now before I start actually typing up my ideals. In the recent past, my search for the guy hasn’t gone so well. I seem to be drawn to the wrong guy, not bad guys, they are almost perfect, theyre just unattainable. Whether they’re engaged, dating or married to their mother.
Not to sound like a cocky smuck but I’m not a bad looking girl, I have a great personality and I’d give anything to anybody. And yet, I can’t find my prince. So of course I look at myself, blaming the only thing possible, its me right?! I’m the common denominator. It must be something I’m sending out, why in the world am I finding wonderful, beautiful unattainable guys? After just being rejected, I will pull my blanket over myself and tell you, I’m a catch. I’m a strong, capable, young woman with the world at my feet. I’m successful and happy, I just would like someone to have, to hold, is that much to ask for?
One of my female best friends says, all in good time, even though I appreciate the sentiment. It is easy for her to see this in hindsight, while living with the love of her life and trying for a baby. She doesn’t see me pinning time on a dart board, killing it slowly. If you haven’t guessed it yet, I’m impatient as they come, in fact I’m more than impatient, I want everything yesterday and all at once please.
I am sure its just around the corner, that everything I ever dreamed of is sitting waiting for me just up around that bridge. But I’m tired, I’m scared that if I don’t keep going I’ll never get there but I’m running out of energy to do all of this on my own. I need a bit of guidance and help. Because in truth its not just the boy issue thats getting me down, its everything. One of my best friends is trying to have a baby! Which is wonderful beautiful news, but it cuts the knife in further because she lives in Texas and I’m stuck in this miserable country of Ireland, when my heart yearns to live in the USA. I know I know, I’m sure in a couple of years time I’ll have a degree and then maybe I can get a job then and maybe stay for a year. But that’s not what I want I want to move over for good. I don’t want to miss out on my friend’s lives, I want to see that baby, I want her/him to know who I am. Not to mention my other friend has a baby who’s over a year old and I’ve never met her yet. So yes I am impatient, it’ll probably all fall into place but goodness I want it all now.
But as I pick my sad, lonely self up off the floor I am reminded that I am not alone. There is something, some Higher Power, God (I get to choose, if you don’t like it go away) and the Universe that is gently keeping me going. Nudging me along when I get into this selfish idiotic rants. It laughs to itself and says ‘Child, hush now, you’ll see, I won’t let you down’. Then it does something amazing like sending me a copy of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’. Which I’m devouring at the moment. This my dears, is delicious reading, it reminds me of when I read Twilight, which is also luxurious. I recommend it to all of you.
So here we go, I take up a stick and leaning on it I carry on. You’re welcome to come and join me. I promise I won’t vent for too long, and I always pick myself up, brush away the hurt and put a genuine smile on my face. Life is like that, you can’tlearn to walk without falling, and you can’t know what love is until you know what love isn’t!