TBH

So I started up this blog again with the sole purpose of doing it again, and with the greatest intentions then life got in the way. I hesitated coming back into the blog because then I would have to face and own my “failings” of not doing what I set out to do but here I am. 

I also did not want to come back on this because Christmas was a bit rubbish really, and I in my usual fashion am all happy clappy and moral and shit and right now life is a bit shit so I’m not up to faking it. So here we are if you’re feeling a bit shit, if your Christmas was a bit shit, if family relationships don’t come out of an Argos catalogue, and your direction in life is a bit all over the place, then hello, welcome to your sister. Welcome to a place where there’s no pressure to feel perfect or happy or like we’ve got our shit together because I certainly don’t. And I’m miserable and want to cry. So join me on this messy journey and comment below if you want to vent, but you’re safe here in your feelings of shit and you’re allowed to feel them as long as you want. Because I know there’s no magical bandage or perfectly penned quote to sum up your feelings and make it all feel better. And I know this somehow will all get better but for now it’s not, and that’s okay. 

Advertisements
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Wonderful Wednesday/Thanksgiving Thursday

Happy Wonderful Wednesday! Yes I know it’s Thursday…. yes I’m only doing the blog now, and I’m grateful that I can! Isn’t technology grand?! Not only can I be sensible (when have I ever been that?! So boring?!!) and write the blog before Wednesday and have it timed to post on the day, but  I get to chat with my dearest friends from all over the world and see their beautiful faces live in the same very moment, how wonderful is that? 

736FB357-8C69-4FFE-8179-318849411864

Skype call with the squad!

You know what I’m also grateful for? That Wednesday is over! Yesterday was a hard day, and sometimes it’s okay if the only thing good about it at the end of the day is the ending! But have you ever noticed that when things don’t work out something else beautiful and precious and glorious is given to make up for it. That is what made Wednesday, yesterday wonderful to me. I had a moment in all the horrendous chaos to literally stop and watch the sun set on the day. 

If things had gone right and perfectly I would have missed it, I would never have even taken that moment, I wouldn’t have even noticed it, and isn’t that quite swell?! So maybe in turn Wednesday was wonderful after all. How was your Wednesday? What made it wonderful? Let me know and let’s share the joys. 

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Motivational Monday Mayhem!

I know it can be very easy to become overwhelmed by just the thought of what Monday has in store.

For me the thought of it makes me want to jump back into bed and throw the duvet over my head (currently in bed avoiding the reality of time moving quickly and my shift starting eventually!) but I find once I am up and ready and have started on my jobs I am closer to where I want to be and who I want to be.

What helps me? So eventually I do actually get up out of bed and what I do is break it all down before I breakdown! Whether it be a day of housework, cooking, socializing, errands and chores I find it easier if I write it all down into one to do list. You’ll never know the joy of ticking things off the list. Chores as simple as ⚫️get out of bed. You know what; you did it! it was something you had to do, write that shit down and reward yourself for doing it because if that is the only thing you do today you did it and there’s an achievement in that! Some days if that’s all that you can do well done you! And once you’ve done that task cross it off and move onto the next one. Take your day one by one, don’t get stressed and overwhelmed by the entirety of the day’s list. Just focus on the one ahead of you and before you know it you will be at the end of the list and rewarding yourself for a job well done. 

An important note to say if you don’t get everything done in a day that’s okay too, it is important to understand your limitations in that day, and when it’s too much it’s too much and that is just as important to know as it is doing it. So leave it for another day, take a break and if possible move onto the next task, if not, rest, rest and rest and it will still be there in the morning. The object of the game is not to get the tasks done they get done as a by product the object of the game is to not get stressed or overwhelmed. So one step at a time, write down what is eating away at you this Monday, what needs to do be done, what can be done and what can be left to another day. You’ll be surprised at the difference you feel after the simple task. And heck do what I do and write down ⚫️Write list as one of your to-do’s then celebrate the fuck out of achieving writing the list!! Mondays don’t have to be heavy, play with them, swear in the list, doodle in the list, make it the prettiest darn list you’ve ever seen and then ease into the work, put music on and if you can’t, put music on in your head, dance, relax, find moments in your Monday to enjoy and celebrate. If it’s a cup of coffee find the moment to pause and enjoy the coffee, if it’s dusting and wiping find a rhythm in it and enjoy the moment. Life is too short, Mondays come around way too regularly to stress over them, let’s find reasons to welcome them! Put down one thing you want to accomplish this week and let it simmer, put out the intention and watch it magically unfold this week. See you for wonderful Wednesday my love! 

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Hello my loves!

 

Long time no write! How are you? Hope you’re all been keeping well! I am back and ready to give you postcards from my life little tidbits each week that I can slot in your life and hopefully give you a smile or laugh. Your friendly little Irish leprechaun and her great adventures with fitted sheets and fangirls! My current exciting life is this: laying on my bed watching Christmas24 channel loving life after eating a doughnut that I am now wearing all over my top and trying to gather all my energy to have a shower while struggling with a head cold, thrilling eh?! But it’s real and that is what I promise to give you.

I love writing, I need to write so here I put up a commitment and if it’s in writing and given to you I may stick to it more than pretending to myself, making it public will push me to own it so here we go! 

Mondays, Wednesdays and Sundays is what I’m hoping so we shall see! Hang in there with me and hope for the best. Maybe just maybe we can go on this journey together, if there are activities or opportunities you are putting off or resisting, let’s hold each others hand and walk on to the fire together. I have no idea how it’s going to go but I quite like not knowing, less control, it’s a bit messy, bit fly by the seat of my pants and impulsive, a bit more me! So let’s be messy together, give yourself a break if you’re waiting for the perfect moment or waiting to perfect yourself or something else, stop it and let’s be messy together. Or even just watch me be messy and find my way through this crazy whirlwind I call life! 

 

There’s nothing I love more than cozying up on a Sunday with comfort food, something lovely on the television and something crafty and creative in my hands. Whatever I choose to do on a Sunday I make sure that it’s a comfort day. It’s all too easy to think about Monday, work, school, deadlines, pressure, stress. And there goes my Sunday, there goes my weekend and I’m already in the Monday blues before it’s even struck 6am on my Monday alarm. 

So here’s my plan, there are 6 more Sundays left in the year, 6 more opportunities to find some peace, to leave Monday firmly where it is meant to be. It’s too easy to have a lovely Friday evening and Saturday and then hate Sunday due to Monday blues. So here it is. Self Awareness Sunday, Self Love Sunday, Self care Sunday, self regroup Sunday, Self esteem Sunday and Self restoration Sunday . I am taking back Sundays, join me if you would like or follow my journey into 2019 on my Instagram @creatively_ciara and here: as I do mini progress reports.

I find I can always lose myself in the middle of the week, propelling my thoughts and heart into the weekend or being stuck on Monday stresses still. I’m never truly present to enjoy and take stock of Wednesday, right slap bang into my week, I always thought Wednesday was wonderful as a teen, we finished at 1pm in my secondary school then the school play rehearsals began, those rehearsals were the very best memories I have of school, a time I put my heart, passion and soul into so imagine all that positive energy into a day?! I want that back, I want to turn my ordinary Wednesdays back to extraordinary! Therefore I am renaming them Wonderful Wednesdays, which I will pop on to a blog and give you a positive, grateful post to brighten up our midweek humdrum. Let’s do it together? 

And then Mondays? Mondays can be full of blues but I am choosing to fill them with motivation and production, it’s the start of the week people let’s make the week count, once a week I will join you to get inspired, empowered and motivated for the week ahead, and maybe just maybe you will too. I also want to be more productive in my creative endeavors, and join the red bubble world if anyone knows how to upload images onto redbubble let me know? Currently trying to figure that one out and would love creative help as graphic designing is not my forte. 

So that’s it lovelies, let’s see what happens! There’s hope in a promise, there’s hope in a possibility, there’s hope in risking being messy, risking being real, risking being open and saying hey world this is me! So HEY WORLD, THIS IS ME! Nice to meet you 😊

With Love, Ciara 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Show Up

I’ve been watching a lot of RENT; Filmed Live on Broadway recently. The energy, the thrill, the stage it all reminds me of being part of that musical world. But it also is inspiring me, feeding my soul and speaking to me. If you haven’t seen it I strongly recommend it, it’s more of a rock opera than a musical and it’s raw, gritty and real. The basic plot is about a group of artists trying to survive in New York City with not much to live on except their passion and drive. It’s beautifully made and beautifully done. The writer of the show who crafted and agonised and put his heart and soul into the piece died the morning of the first showing. It makes me think maybe that was his life’s work, that he had done all he had came here to do, he was a young, fit man and there was nothing wrong with him. He never saw the impact of the show, how successful it became, how important it was to society. But he left a legacy, a legacy that still lives today even years after the show has finished on Broadway. That’s a pretty powerful thing to do, to touch people you’ve never met almost twenty years after you’ve died. He had the courage to go after a dream, courage to speak his truth, the courage to be vulnerable and be imperfect.

I’m doing the Brene Brown course ‘Gifts of Imperfection’ and am daily getting Aha moments! It’s helping me embrace my vulnerability, showing me that it is not weakness but true courage and also to celebrate my imperfection and own it! Something that is all over RENT, it’s not just the plot, it’s the manifesto and warms my soul.

‘Take me for who I am, for what I was meant to be and if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me

I wonder if the real disabilities are in the people fitting into the norm who are masters in rules and perfectionists. And the people with ‘disabilities’ are ahead of the game with already an insight into being imperfect, so in a way we’re the lucky ones. Our weakness makes us strong, it’s a war medal depicting our survival. You cannot win without being in the battle in the first place. Ugly may not be pretty but it can be beautiful.

‘The pain will ease if I can learn there is no future, there is so past; I live this moment as my last.’

 
Forgive me while I go all metaphorical for a moment!
I bought jeans last year that were too tight, too short, too small, too same as everyone else’s , the material too thin and I wore the heck out of them until I realized how bad it was making me feel. This year I’m making my own jeans that fit me, that suit my curves and flatter my size, Attaching lace and crystals and washing them in greens and purples and pinks. Now I’m not saying I wore the jeans every single day last year, somedays I wore a dress and it reminded me of my uniqueness and imperfect beauty and on those days I shone seeing what was possible but I chose to go back into the jeans until they were worn out.

‘We raise our glass you bet your ass to la vie boheme!..to days of inspiration making something out of nothing, the need to express to communicate, to going against the grain…no pension…to no absolutes..to choice…to Maya Angelou and anything taboo, la vie boheme’

The first time i ever heard about RENT was ten years ago, I was sixteen and in Illinois, having travelled from Dublin to stay with my pen friend. It’s funny how this musical comes when I’m practicing courage, at that tender age it wasn’t the travelling on my own across the earth for the first time that needed courage, it was the courage to be me, to ignore the shaming voices in my head that all teenagers have ‘I’m not ………. (good, cool, young, streetwise, knowledgable, pretty, worthy etc) enough’ and fit in with peers my own age, teenagers themselves with their own shaming voices. I struggled and it was a challenge but I learned a lot from it and returned home a stronger, more resilient me. And that song that anthem stayed with me

‘five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear, five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes how do you measure measure a year? ‘

It’s no surprise if I look back to see that a cast member from that very show is one of my soul guides that I’m lucky to have met. You know those people who know you without even knowing you? Who see you without even looking, who teach you without trying and who heal you just by being. I met Telly Leung last summer and knew his story would impact mine. And to my surprise I made a difference to him. By being myself and standing up in all my embraced imperfection and vulnerability I had the opportunity to touch someone who touched me.

‘Forget regret or life is yours to miss. There’s only this, there’s only us, no day but today….we must let go to know what’s right, give in to love or live in fear’

It’s scary to be vulnerable, it’s icky and messy and painful. For some reason my default is to be vulnerable, to wear my heart on my sleeve and share. For years I have tried to turn off that default button or break it, I think last year’s wrong jeans finally did it and now I’m fixing it and turning it on. Being vulnerable can hurt, it can leave you with your face in the mud crying and alone, it can get you dumped/bullied/betrayed/used/manipulated and all of the above but it can also shine a light into others, it can guide/heal/touch/embrace/inspire others more than any forced and robotic perfection. One must be willing to fall in order to fly
As part of the course I have to give myself permission to do the course, to do art journaling. Sounds simple huh? I give myself permission to be vulnerable and to be perfectly imperfect! Right simple two write them down and off I go. I came up with 27 permission slips in order for myself to do this work because I have a lot of self imposed ‘rules’. I wouldn’t call myself a perfectionist thank god, I’d be so screwed! But from years of trying to fit in when my whole purpose in life is to stand out I gathered a few blockages, a few shoulds that shame revels in. I’m not saying living a life courageously being vulnerable and imperfect is easy, I’m saying give yourself a break and give yourself permission, whatever that permission is in order to try. Show up and be counted.

A side note to vulnerability; last year during that disastrous fashion break down/through I was given a piece of advice ‘Don’t cast your pearls before swine’ easier said than done and I’ll own up and say it that I shared a lot of pearls with pigs that I thought were princesses and stood on precious royalty in doing so. And then after getting mud in return, cause swine can’t give you more than that and I’ve learned I can’t expect more from them than that and not hold it against them, they know no better, but any how I then totally upset by this exchange from my pigs in royal clothing put a moat around myself shooing out the real princesses and guarding my pearls keeping them from anyone. And since I put away my ill fitted jeans I’ve been holding onto my pearls slowly and hesitantly wearing them, bringing them out and sharing with those I’m hopeful are worthy enough to share. And also lifting the real royals from the floor where I scrambled over. As I said not easy and I’m not perfect but if I take out the ….. before enough I end up with I’m enough and that enough I am worthy and in that I am living wholeheartedly and that’s the goal.
Writing this I risk being vulnerable and getting hurt but I also risk being vulnerable and giving light. You may read this and not get it, you may not like it, you may think a lot of things and that’s okay and I may get hurt by criticism became I’m not perfect and I’m still growing my shame resilience. But I’m here showing up and practicing courage, telling and owning my story and it’s more than freeing. Especially when I find reminders of my learnings surrounding such as RENT, there’s a full circle Hero’s journey movie esque feel about it, as if the universe is telling me GO CIARA YOURE ON THE RIGHT PATH, YOURE IMPERFECT AND YOURE ENOUGH. Who knows one day my authenticity, embracing my imperfection and my being enough will leave a legacy too. So here goes nothing and everything.

(All quotes from RENT, yup I know; awesome!)

20140119-172753.jpg

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Making the Journey

There is a voyage that a Hero goes through in their life, Joseph Campbell called it the Hero’s Journey. And this journey can produce many small Hero’s journeys along the way. It starts with a call to answer. This call is a choice, a decision to make; to stay in the ordinary world or go on an adventure to the extraordinary world.
image

The ordinary world is safe, gentle, it’s easy and comfortable. There is no risk here ad is probably boring! Whereas the extraordinary world is exciting and full of wonder! It’s way way outside the Hero’s comfort zone. It is stepping into the unknown and walking into the darkness to hopefully find something they never knew existed. Sure the whole idea to an adventurous soul is intriguing, the extraordinary world is also scary, daunting and possibly dangerous too. It is an enchanted forest.
But there lies the choice, the call to answer for our protagonist; to step into the extraordinary world or stay in the ordinary world.
image

‘When we get to the end of all the light we know and it’s time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one or two things shall happen. Either we will be given something solid to stand on or we will be taught how to fly.’

The hardest work for the hero on this journey is usually done in making the decision, the choice to walk away from security and comfort and enter the big extraordinary world, the road less travelled. Or to stay put. Neither decision is right or wrong, it is all about timing. It is possible that the hero needs to stay in the ordinary world to learn a lesson or gain a tool they will need out in the extraordinary world, such as courage or faith, even gaining confidence can help the hero when their footing can become shaky. And what feels wrong now does not mean it’ll feel wrong later once the call comes again, because it will. It just may be a more scenic route next time.
image

Either choice is neither wrong nor right. It is what it is. It s the Hero’s choice, their decision. No one can Mae the choice for them, nobody can decide the reasons why they made the choice. The hard work is accepting the choice and taking responsibility for it, it’s in accepting the consequences of the decision, understanding the fears and forging ahead anyhow., and accepting and relishing, celebrating in the rewards that this inevitably brings and learning the lessons it will throw at you.

image

A wise magical guide or helpers will appear along the road when deciding on the cal. These are not there to take the responsibility off the hero but to encourage and remind them of their own tools within them in order to answer the call. All they have to do is use them, and listen to their own wisdom.

Look at your favourite movie, book or favourite story, can you see the Hero’s call to answer, their hardship in deciding the choice to make. Is it obvious what lay behind the the decision they make. Is it possible they are telling you something? Could it be possible that our favourite heroes are merely our magical helpers in disguise?

Something to think about perhaps. Enjoy your journey, happy choosing!

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

‘I’d rather be a rainbow than another shade of grey…’

 
Well it’s been some time since I last blogged and a lot has happened since then, at a point where I had lost myself little by little I discovered parts of me over these past eight months and finally I truly believe I found myself, or the me I’ve always thought I could be and that’s exciting!
It wasn’t without its heartache and hard time but it’s been a lot of giggles and stories and adventures too. In fact surrounded by like minded people and having the opportunities to travel the world, being inspired to be passionate about something again, being challenged, becoming more and more flexible yet more and more certain of who I am, I know I’m exactly where I was always meant to be and always headed towards. 
My dream in life is to empower and inspire people, children, teens, and adults with like minded creative people and I realise through what I get paid to do, through who I get the blessing of working next to and through new projects that are on the horizon that keep me empassioned, and through the friends that keep me smiling, going, and constantly thankful I realise I’m already living my dream, I’m already succeeding in my wish list. I’m already the luckiest girl in the world!
So what, I’m still single, so what I’m still a little overweight, so what jimmy Choo hasn’t realised what a gold mine sexy orthopedic budget shoes could be; I’ve never felt more beautiful, I’ve never felt more sexy, I’ve never felt more me and this is only the beginning!
Aside | Posted on by | 1 Comment