I started a new job recently, which has been a little challenging to say the least for a lot of reasons, which is good because in order to learn we must challenge ourselves right?! When challenges arrive, the universe always sends calvary to aid the hero, and this is what the Universe has been doing for me. Through my mother and tearful discussions with her, through fellow workers and through a discussion on Oprah today which gave me inspiration for today’s blog.
Geneen Roth, who is the author of ‘Women, Food and God was on, and Oprah read a quote from the book which resignated with me;
“Either you are willing to believe in kindness or you aren’t, you’ve got to be willing to believe you were put on this earth for more than your endless attempts to lose the same thirty pounds, once you begin treating yourself with the kindness that you believe only thin or perfect people deserve you can’t help but discover that love has not abandoned you after all”
And what I realized when I heard this is it is the same with my willingness to please people. This is been really difficult in my job, because I know after many years of discovering the keys to my best life; people pleasing is obsolete, it’s useless, it’s not possible, all I should focus on is pleasing myself. Yet that is and hasn’t been clear to me while I’m working under people. They have their own rules and regulations and I have been trying to fit my circular self into their trianglular slot and it’s just all difficult. Trying in general is difficult, it’s uncomfortable, time consuming and I have found, unhealthy. Yet people pleasing has been a habit, a pattern in my life, I have used for many many many years, since childhood, believing I needed to be something better than I was to please people.
So what I heard in that quote was ‘You’ve got to be willing to believe you were put on this earth for more than your endless attempts to please other people, and once you begin treating yourself with the kindness that you believe every other perfect person deserves you can’t help but discover that love has not abandoned you after all”
It’s simple yet makes a lot of sense, it is so easy to give away your power, like you are nothing, a plastic bag drifting through the wind. We are way too quick to throw a blanket over our light, our spark, and let others shine brighter. But that spark, that fire is needed, so much more than the perceived ideal is.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said, ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’, I have to stop giving my consent to others. I have to stop looking in the mirror and being blind, only seeing blemishes and faults, we have been trained that loving oneself is being arrogant but it’s not, it’s neccessary in order to sparkle. Take a moment, and look in the mirror, see what other people see, see the real you, look into your eyes, down into your soul, and find your worth. It might surprise you how beautiful it is you really are.
Stop following in other people’s footprints, find your own way, don’t throw your life away in discomfort misery trying, stop before you pass it on to your children, your dogs, to strangers all around you, it is all energy, an everyday legacy. And if you already have, start again. Today is a new day, today is your day. You are the captain of your ship, this is your life, no one else is in charge. Even though I follow rules and regulations in this job, I am still the strong, powerful woman I have always been, I am in charge of my destiny, of my moment, of my energy. My manager does not control me, I control me, all I can do is to be the best Ciara I can be, this is the only thing I can be without hurting myself. And the truth is, I was hurting myself trying trying and trying to please people, what I learned was I was pushing past what was possible for me, so focused on pleasing someone else, I stopped pleasing myself. I stopped trusting myself to just be and I let others dictate my power.
The truth is I am whole as I am. I am not four years old, the manager can not hurt me, I need not be afraid to just be, there is no reason to be scared, there is no worse case scenario that can hurt me, the only bad thing that could happen is in the pursuit of pleasing others I lose the person within, the person I truly am.
This is true for everyone, are you giving your power away unneccessarily? Blaming otthers yet pleasing them all the same? Trying to be something you are not? Look after that four year old inside of you, she (or he) is perfect, worthy and needed, she does not need to try, she just is, why would you want to make her better? Be kind, you were put on this earth for more than kissing ass!