I’m in the process of making a film, a film that has been on my mind since October, one that is personal, is real and is all about courage. It is centered around three stories, one girl walking up a hill while battling a mountain within herself, the second two women dealing with the fears they have knowing they are falling for each other and the third story is about a girl who is completely and utterly comfortable in her skin, she’s proud to be herself and enjoys spending time with someone who sees her for her, nothing else, not even her disability, being deaf.
People are more than they seem, when we’re living our life as ourselves completely with self acceptance there’s nothing stopping us. we shine.
I knew I was a part of all three stories, but I figured I was very like the girl in the third story. I love who I am, I am happy with who I am and I am confident in who I am. I want to light up the world showing people it’s all about being who you are, no matter who you are.
Yet, while I was acting in the film I did not accept myself, when I looked at the footage and saw my bulges bouncing as I walked, as I saw my foot turn in as I walked up the hill, I was not celebrating each curve, each wayward hair, and celebrating my uniqueness, my light.
I realized it is a daily choice to have courage, to love yourself, and to know it, really know it. There is an opportunity every time I see a clip that I’m in; to accept myself, to see myself as if I was another person, to know I’m beautiful. It is not a bad thing, it is an opportunity when the voice in our heads go ‘ugh you’re so fat, you disgust me’ or ‘ughh look at you, you pathetic crappy victim’. The opportunity lies in being able to say, ‘no, you know what, I am sexy and I know it’. This is possible for you too, there is nobody like you and that’s beautiful. Confidence to just be you. You’re the only one who can pull off You. Stand tall, smile and stop wasting time feeling sorry for yourself.
If the thing I come away with everytime I look at my film is negative self image then I am going against the intention for my film. It’s funny how quick we are to jugde ourselves while celebrating others. Time for that to change.
‘Oh God, help me believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is.Amen.’